Narcissists and smear campaigns: Why they do it.

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Narcissists and smear campaigns: Why they do it.

What is it with narcissists and smear 10EE8881-CFC0-4079-B488-6604E47C302C.jpegcampaigns??? If you’re reading this, you are most likely at the receiving end of a nasty, calculated and deliberate operation to poison your networks, driven by an abusive narcissist.
How is it possible that this can be happening? How can it be that on top of all you’ve suffered, you are now also facing losing family, friends, colleagues and/or community connections at the hands of the narcissist?
And all this, at a time when you’ve never needed support more.
Narcissistic abuse is devastating. There are no two ways about it. The narcissist comes at you, your identity, your life, like a wrecking ball smashing everything to pieces.
The smear campaign is just one more of the abusive narcissist’s tools custom built to destroy you.
Sense-making is so critical to your recovery journey. It is an instinctive reaction to any trauma in moving towards resolving the inexplicably awful.
As a victim of narcissistic abuse, you are also wrangling cognitive dissonance on a grand scale.
These factors combined are producing your voracious hunger for answers and researching narcissism.
Whilst no real sense can ever truly be made of pathological actions for the victim, this article intends to give you some answers.
We will look at what the smear campaign is; and why and when narcissists use this as a go-to strategy.
What is the ‘smear campaign’?
It is the intentional and systematic dissemination of deceptive information designed to undermine, discredit, and further isolate you.
The narcissist paints you in a misleading and toxic light using strategies including but not limited to exaggeration, instigation of rumours, slander, and lies.

The spreading of misinformation is not necessarily restricted to verbal communication. Some may go so far as to falsify documentation to substantiate their wild claims.
To get you where it really hurts, they target any person available to them who matters to you. No one and nothing is off limits to the narcissist.
This encompasses your family members, all friends both mutual and non-mutual, employer and/or co-workers, and members of communities to which you belong (e.g.: church, volunteering organisations, sporting teams etc.).
Anyone accessible to the narcissist in your professional and personal networks is fair game.
This will be mind blowing to you – how could they possibly go there? Your family? Your friends? How could they?
The answer is simple: because of their complete lack of boundaries and respect for yours or anyone else’s.
Why do narcissists and smear campaigns go hand-in-hand?
There will never be an adequate explanation for the horrendous act of being smeared with such vindictiveness. Particularly from one who either has, or still does, profess to care for you.
No reasoning will ever excuse the narcissist, nor account for the betrayal and broken trust you feel towards those in your previously solid support network who have lapped up the narcissists lies.
Having said this, understanding the motivations of the narcissist may help you acknowledge what kind of person they really are.
What makes them tic
Those who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) ‘discarded’ early on in life their true selves, replacing this with a false self as a protective mechanism.
This invented self is one built on beliefs of superiority, omnipotence, and entitlement.
Maintaining their delusion and the validity of their false self is a matter of survival (for their ego of course…). Because without this, there is no ‘self’ to the narcissist.
To sustain the beliefs attached to the false self, the narcissist constantly hunts for external reinforcement that they are correct. This is what fuels the narcissist, a.k.a. supply.
Asserting power over others through manipulation is how the narcissist proves to themselves that they are in control, and that they are indeed superior, omnipotent, and entitled to all they desire.
These mechanics are at the core of all the things the narcissist does. Including the smear campaign.
Let’s have a look at how it plays out.
Smear campaign triggers for narcissists
Scenario 1: Paving the way for discard
When the narcissist has sufficiently groomed their next target, and made the decision to move on to them, the inevitability of your discard looms.
This triggers their ‘go to’ set of well-used steps to make this happen.
As an abusive narcissist, they know that they have an established pattern of devaluation and discard in relationships.
They also know that to succeed in getting away with this repetitive cycle takes active management on their behalf.
In other words, to be able to keep doing it, they need people on side who won’t blow the whistle when they target and replace victims, one by one.
For the narcissist, the smear campaign is a handy strategy to mitigate the possibility of anyone asking questions, including the new target.
Specifically, questions around what kind of person would ditch their current partner (that they have been actively abusing and hence is suffering a bunch of psychological, mental, and physical symptoms which may be apparent to others), for someone they have been wooing as a replacement for quite some time?
And not just once, but over and over again.
Too many questions of this sort could place their choice of lifestyle, and any given primed & current source of supply, in jeopardy.
In addition to preventing this, and of equal importance to the narcissist is avoiding having their integrity questioned. The effect of this for them is tantamount to denying their superiority, omnipotence, and entitlement….a narcissistic injury in the making, and one to be avoided at all costs.
Clearly, protecting their abuse and discard lifestyle is paramount.
Being completely aware of all of this, the narc begins the smear campaign.
In this scenario, once the replacement is identified, and before discard takes place, the narcissist begins sowing insidious seeds of doubt in people’s minds.
Initially, subtle hints are suggested casually, and intricate tales involving some element of truth for believability are dropped here and there. For example, these could be weaving together evident facts to fit a fictitious tale, or exploiting your vulnerabilities.

As the need to discard becomes imminent, momentum gathers.
Having pinpointed receptive audiences in those who have not established a boundary with the narcissist, gears shift, and overt statements are made.
The narcissist at this point openly makes claims that are completely fabricated, as well as frequent projections detailing events that have actually taken place…except that upon their retelling suddenly you’ve both swapped roles. A reality switcheroo: you are the abuser, and they are the victim.
This is the aim of the game. To portray the narcissist as long-suffering at the hands of your crazed and abusive mind.
This way, the risk of being held accountable for their behaviours and actions is minimised. And, the likelihood of understanding from others of their need to break free from you, and receptivity to their new target, is increased.
Scenario 2: When you set yourself free
Believe it or not, the pervasive attitude of an abusive narc enacting Scenario 1, is one of nonchalance, almost of laziness. An entirely dispassionate (though thoroughly entertaining to the narc) and meticulous assassination of your character.
The purpose of the demolition is to remove you as an inconvenient obstacle to reaching their goal of replacing you with the new target.
In Scenario 2, the same basic mechanics take place as in Scenario 1, but the intent contrasts starkly.
See, here, you’ve upset the apple cart.
If you leave them, or have otherwise caused a significant narcissistic injury, the framework they cling to is fractured.
For a moment, annihilation takes place. Very briefly, the reality of their false self as a fabrication surfaces.
Narcissistic rage kicks in, and the drive to re-establish control and power over you, goes into hyperdrive. Their approach here is far more manic and backed by pure malevolence.
In this scenario, making you suffer in any way possible for daring to breach their delusional belief system is what consumes them.
Either way, the actions of one who seeks to malign the support networks, and character of one who is already hobbled from the suffering endured from their abuse, is beyond cruel. Monstrous in the extreme.
The choice
Pretty horrifying right?
If you have set yourself free and are facing the narcissist’s smear campaign, I hope that this information is some comfort. Of course, not for the fact of the gross losses you are coming to terms with, once again because of the narcissist.
The solace lies in knowing that you have made the choice to remove from your life a person capable of such calculated maliciousness. You can now begin your healing having cut the cancer out.
If you are reading this while still entangled with a narcissist, you may have reached for this article as part of weighing up your options in setting yourself free from the abusive relationship. As part of finding out what happens when you do walk away.
You may read this and think, ‘thanks for that big, fat deterring warning of the perils that await me if I break free – no way I’m doing that!’
But gorgeous one, if so, pause for a moment and think about this decision.
I mean really think about it.
In choosing to stay because of your dread of the smear campaign, and a million other very frightening possibilities – what are you choosing?
You are acknowledging what this person is: an abusive narcissist that you should indeed be fearful of.
A cruel, damaging human being, who will actively pursue harming you.
This is not cause to stay.
These are the very reasons you must break free as soon as possible. Think of it as your mitigating action to prevent ongoing harm by staying.

If you are fearful of your safety in any way, whether physically, psychologically, financially, in whatever way…reach out to your local authorities and support services for domestic violence to support you in breaking free.
But do this you must. For you.
There is no denying the difficulties at hand in breaking free.
Yet the sooner you surmount these (again, with support if needed), the sooner peace, freedom & joy will settle into your being.
You’ve got this gorgeous one.
As always gorgeous ones, please do share your insights, tips and experiences on the narcissist and smear campaigns. The more we share, the more we teach one another and help those in need to take their step towards freedom.
With gratitude,

The truth about a Narcissist… in the end they want to destroy you.

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Narcissists don’t want what you want and you can end up twisted like a pretzel trying to ‘work them out’. From your framework, values, and ideals you are always going to come up empty – because it’s like trying to understand a foreign language if you only spoke English!

Generally, people enter relationships for the goal of seeking love, happiness, and improvement to their life (peace and harmony). And when they are in the bliss chemicals of “love” it can feel like they’ve made it “home” to this place with another person.

However, if you have entered a relationship with a narcissist, within a period of time you start discovering anomalies to this model of “love”. In amongst the brain-bending confusion you see that they don’t want to remain happy and this is gut-wrenching. In fact, they would rather be “right” regardless of the cost to happiness, harmony, and peace.

And when there is a period of things going calmly and smoothly, this person needs to create drama or an episode that sabotages that peace. Then this person behaves as if the reconciliation you reached yesterday meant nothing.

All of this astounds you because naturally, you want resolution with issues. You want to put the bad times away, mend arguments and even be content with agreeing to disagree but for some reason, this person in your life does NOT want to be happy.

You don’t want to believe that there is a pattern here but you can’t deny that this happens over and over again.

And this one really bends your mind – this person says they LOVE you and wants this relationship to work (and may even declare they will do anything to ensure this relationship works) – YET their actions declare the exact opposite.

So what’s going on? – Narcissists are living as dire “separation” from Oneness – from community, honesty, harmony and authentic connection, and the emotional vulnerability of true love – and are literally terrified of it.

Because it would mean they would not be able to maintain the necessary “separation” they believe they need to survive in a world with people they can’t trust.

So why connect at all – why don’t narcissists stay apart and stop getting into relationships?

Because they need narcissistic supply.

They need narcissistic supply like a drug addict needs crack, ice or heroin … and the best source of narcissistic supply is other human beings.

Here is the quandary for the narcissist and it’s a tormenting one – one that is a fine balancing act that requires a great deal of acting, falsities, and drama. The narcissist needs to pull people close in order to extract narcissistic supply but needs to then push them away to keep them at arm’s length so that they never truly connect.

The act of love-bombing and “falling in love” is a powerful way to pull people in, and it grants copious amounts of narcissistic supply.

The intense “love” that the narcissist basks in, is no more than a huge hit of the drug that the addict blisses out in whilst under its effects. This is large doses in the honeymoon period big doses of the attention that the narcissist needs to feel “alive” – the feed of significance, accolades, recognition or even notoriety.

This is NOT genuine love, because the narcissist is still firmly and terminally “separate”. People whose brain wiring is under the influence of a False Self are connecting only for narcissistic supply – and not to “connect” into genuine Oneness (mutuality, respect, love, teamwork, trust, peace) with the other person.

In stark contrast, right for the beginning, the narcissist is gathering information about you, so that he or she is armed and ready to strip your power down, hit your weak spots and disable you so that you will never have the upper hand.

Psychically and emotionally you are being set up in a way that the narcissist believes you can and will be rendered harmless and controllable.

Of course, that is Universe’s apart from genuine love.

It’s actually a deadly game of know thy enemy.

Written by Melanie Tonia Evans

Much love xo ❤️2FBE8B8E-75B4-482B-AC09-3321EC991ADE.jpeg

Narcissist will always pathologically lie.

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The narcissist is very capable of telling solicitors, police and courthouses exactly whatever lies they want to, in order to try to punish you, get the upper hand and win, project blame, create smear campaigns, play the victim as if they have been vilified (especially when things aren’t going well for him or her), and of course disregard any personal accountability for his or her unacceptable behaviour.

When you see the blatant lies unravel under your nose, you will initially be shocked. People who enter into relationships with personality disordered individuals usually have a high level of integrity, and as such, you may feel incredibly shattered when you think, How on earth could I have ever been in a relationship with this person?

Your anguish is: How on earth does someone behave like THAT? Especially someone I was having a LOVE relationship with?

Your whole sense of moving on and forward may be pulled into the narcissistic muck – the pathological “stink,” – because your emotions feel so polluted by the unfathomable lies and acts that this person creates.

What Else Would You Expect?

You know you have been subjected to the ridiculous conversations where the narcissist refused to remain topical, refused to answer questions, and would bring in absurd examples and allies to thrust down your throat with all the logic of an angry five-year-old.

You know that they have created untruths and smear campaigns against you in the past, and continually breaks his or her word, drags up information from the past (that he or she professed to be resolved with), and is never happy to live and reside in the now without projecting inner emptiness and torment onto you and making his or her inner demons your fault.

You know this person has a capacity to lie and falsify documentation and has told you how he or she has done this in the past to try to gain the upper hand, secure a deal or manipulate a situation.

You know that this person had no respect for integrity or karma at those times, and thought they were entitled to behave like this – regardless of committing fraud, breaking the law, or how it affected the integrity of an organisation or the reputation of other individuals.

You know this person is capable of faking situations, illnesses, and injuries in order to try and gain sympathy or detract from the real issues at hand.

You know this person is paranoid about being lined up and attacked and will resort to any lengths – criminal or pathological – to “defend” themselves, “one-up” the situation, and believe that the ends justifies the means.

So truly WHY should this be a surprise?

Narcissists are a false self – and therefore don’t have a conscience when it comes to lying. Their life is a scripted illusion of the fantasy and high acclaim they like to believe they are living, which is completely different from how they truly feel about themselves on an inner level.

When the walls crumble between the illusion and the reality, the narcissist resorts to more scripted lies to try and offset his or her narcissist injury of being exposed to the world for what he or she really is – a person without real substance.

I promise you the ability to lie is a self-inbuilt survival mechanism. You see, narcissists don’t believe the truth serves them. They don’t believe they are lovable and acceptable as they are, and they carry immense shame for the way they have to operate. As such, more lies are needed to cover up the previous lies; otherwise, the narcissist would have to face the truth of who they really are – and they will avoid that at all costs.

The narcissist’s lies are not personal – their lack of integrity and conscience has nothing to do with you, your life, and the creation of your truth.

What you are seeing is a gift; it is confirming to you the relief of knowing that you are getting this person out of your life. The relief of knowing there is no lost love with a person who has the ability to be a pathological liar, and this behaviour is something that decent people with mature and healthy emotional intelligence just don’t do.

To gain a greater understanding of what you are dealing with/or have been dealing with AND how to find relief and a healing solution to move forward in your life – sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery Course – https://bit.ly/35RfJYE.

Why? because you deserve to have a Thriver’s life – it’s your birthright.

 

written by Melanie Tonia Evans

Much love xo ❤️ACA6C4E7-0452-4436-A5A3-E75048C45EA2.jpeg

How you became the other woman to the narcissist .

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D1B94D23-AF3C-4FEE-B4BB-EAC358D2AAA7.jpegHow You Became the Other Woman

 

They say knowledge is key and using that knowledge becomes wisdom when applied.

“I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think”
Socrates

Having recently started to educate myself about the masterminds of a narcissist , I have come across so much information in regards to the twisted turn of events, and how In Narcissistic relationships you become the “Other Woman”.

While the Narcissist’s infidelity itself is unfair, the really sad part is that when this happens to each woman, she feels extremely isolated because she thinks she’s the only one “crazy” enough to accept this arrangement. What she doesn’t realize is that this is very common among women who are involved in a dysfunctional relationship with a Narcissist. In fact, it’s one of the biggest indicators of the depth of pathological manipulation the Narcissist is capable of.

Logically, who would stay  to allow their partner to have a primary lover outside of the relationship, or stick around after being found out you’re just another supply after seeing first hand he was caught out or furthermore, him being exposed as having multiple “fake” relationships and declaring his love to each of these women and who only comes around when he’s bored or his main partner is “out of service” and using you?

 

Shocking, yes? If you haven’t been through this experience, you may have felt a sting of indignation just imagining this happening to you. If you have been through this, you probably felt nauseated. These are all natural reactions of those who have high moral standards and empathy for other people.

The Narcissist doesn’t have morals or empathy. He couldn’t care less about how his cheating affects the people in his life who are supposed to be precious to him. To drive my point, I read about a woman whose Narcissistic husband was out cheating while she lay in the delivery room about to give birth to their child!

If you’ve become the “Other Woman”, you are not alone. And while it may seem impossible right now, you can put a stop to this injustice and reclaim your dignity and self-worth. But first, I will explain how the Narcissist’s new love interest became his main squeeze and you morphed into the “Other Woman”, sitting around waiting for him to throw the proverbial bone.

1. The fall of the fairytale

At some point in your relationship, the Narcissist decided you weren’t good supply anymore. It may have been something simple, such as your asking him to put his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, or being too tired to cook a four-course meal after working 12 hours. Narcissists are selfish and trivial that way. Or, perhaps it was something scandalous, like your catching him looking at porn or sending Facebook messages to other women. Either way, there was a definite turning point where you fell off the pedestal and he went looking for other sources of supply. You’ve seen his ugly side, and he can’t tolerate living under scrutiny. The whole crux of Narcissism is living as one pleases without any accountability.

2. The newer model

At this point, the Narcissist went out in search of a new source of livelihood. This is akin to someone going to a dealership and test-driving different cars. That’s exactly what the Narcissist does when he’s securing new supply. He doesn’t keep his focus on just one model, he wants to see what other models have to offer, and thus he literally went out (behind your back) openly flirting and hooking new victims.

After finding an acceptable replacement, he started the devalue and discard phase. All of your insecurities and weaknesses were manifested at once. He did and said everything he could in order to make you feel completely worthless. And it worked. Even worse, your feelings of not being good enough were amplified by the fact that he began to flaunt the new woman in your face.

3. The switch

This is where you converted to the Other Woman. The real OW became his new love interest and he discarded you. Often, this discard happens in front of the new woman. While she may gloat and have a holier-than-thou attitude about the whole thing, she doesn’t know that you were clueless about her until the last minute. Where you simply confronted your partner about cheating, she thinks you stalked him down because you’re bat-sh** crazy, as the Narcissist would have her believe. This scenario is often engineered by the Narcissist in order to deliver the final blow. Remember how you saw his ugly side? He has to overcompensate for that. And the only way he can accomplish this is by showing you how great he is to someone else, and what better way to do that than to tag-team against you with his new supply?

So there you were, utterly defeated and thrown away like yesterday’s meatloaf. The time and love you invested in the relationship was gone. Your self-esteem was at an all-time low, and you truly believed no one would ever give you the time of day for the rest of your life.

The reason you felt that way, and still do, is because the Narcissist brainwashed you into believing it. Much like Baby Elephant Syndrome, you remain trapped by your limiting beliefs.

You believed the Narcissist when he came around pretending to have second thoughts about the whole thing when, in reality, he realized someone else would eventually try to win your heart and that sure as hell isn’t going to happen if he has anything to do with it!

In the Narcissist’s mind, you are his property. Even though he doesn’t really want a relationship with you, he doesn’t want anyone else to have you, either. So, he threw out a few crumbs to see if you would bite, and you did.

(Every time I tried breaking off the relationship with my one, he would cry crocodile tears, proclaiming his love, to the point where he made you feel like you were the nasty one wanting out. I would always give in because he was so good at manipulating his words, I fell for them, until that fateful day that I actually caught him in bed with another woman. He couldn’t explain himself out of that one with me so instead he reacted with violence. Blessed am I now to be done and dusted with that relationship!)

…Back to you

You gave him a key to your new apartment. You allowed him back into your bed. You started paying some of his bills again while he fed you soup about being “trapped” in the relationship with the new woman. According to him, the only reason he started a relationship with her was because she offered him something you couldn’t (money, social connections, fringe benefits, etc.) Furthermore, you’re not good wife material, but he still cares about you and doesn’t want to lose you…sound familiar? In time, you found yourself waiting endlessly for him to give you one minute of his spare time while he went about his days without giving you a second thought…until it would serve him in some way to do so.

It’s Not Love

You think you’re still in love, but it’s not love…it’s toxic attachment. If you’ve heard of toxic relationship cords, the two of you are connected energetically and because the relationship was so intense, these cords are thicker and more defined. Cords of attachment are negative and hold the negative energies that were part of the relationship. In this cord are stuck memories of betrayal, anger, hatred, sadness, fear, rejection etc. Even if you’re no longer seeing each other, because of this cord, toxic emotions affect your peace of mind, health and happiness.

Through a combination of toxic cord attachments and the Narcissist’s conditioning, you are energetically and mentally connected to your abuser. You are ensnared in a “trance of unworthiness”. And you look to your abuser to anoint you with value, but that won’t happen. Ever – unless he’s trying to hoover you back into his snare.

You are the only one that can acknowledge your worth, and it’s not something you have to earn. It’s something you already possess. It’s buried underneath your feelings of personal deficiency, and only through recognizing this and facing it head on will you begin true healing.

In closing, in order to truly heal you must cut all ties with the Narcissist. He will only leave you stewing in a swamp of shame. Regardless of what he says, he doesn’t love anyone…not even the new woman, in spite of what it may look like.

Your healed life starts with one step…

This warrior is me

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She’s an advocate for what’s morally right

She won’t back down without a fight
Through her experiences her character is forged
Lighting the way for others with her torch
A protector for the wounded hearts
She’s a warrior and with you she will march
This gypsy woman has your best interest in sight
Guiding the way even when day seems like night
Don’t allow the wicked ways of the world blind you
Be on guard for those that try to fool you and trust only few
A woman should always have another woman’s back
To help those in need so that they don’t become sidetracked
This woman who has come to be
This woman I look at is a reflection of me

Written by
Elizabeth Pozoglou

The best way to win with a narcissist is not to play!

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When I look back I can clearly see now all the red flags, all the telltale signs and the warnings from family and friends.
Yet I had chosen to overlook them, blindsided to the fact that I always tried to see the good in someone, give them the benefit of a doubt and looking for the potential they could possibly emanate.
But in reality I was dealing with a narcissist. And the only way to win with a narcissist is to not play at all. Game over!
I played it for far longer then I anticipated, 2 1/2 years of my time and energy wasted but then again in retrospect I can look back and think one day I’ll write a book about this, possibly a song or even do talks and educate others, forewarn them of the potential dangers of ever getting involved with a narcissist. Life’s lessons huh! Just stepping stones in the grand sceme of things … reminding myself here that it’s not about the destination but rather the journey along the way.

So not entirely wasted after all …

These last few weeks have had me researching so much information about the narcissist, how they operate, their mindset, their disorder, the complexity of how they view us as objects rather then people. I needed to understand it, how it came to this point and why.  My mind needed to comprehend and process everything in order for me to completely understand that none of this was my fault and I don’t hold myself accountable for somebody else’s actions.

The sad thing is that I feel sorry in part because as a narcissist they will never know how to love or to receive love. They will always remain empty souls, seeking the validation of others to feed their ego. It’s a drug to them, an energy supply they go in search for.

Yes I should be angry and yes it would be easy to condemn him for his actions, for the manipulation and the mind games of trying to control somebody’s life just for their own gratification.
But above that I should be even more angry and hold contempt towards him for laying his hands on me because nobody has the right to touch another let alone inflict harm unto them. Anger is a too harsher word for me… Because holding onto anger only punishes myself. As the saying goes  “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Budha

So I choose to let go …

 

 

This isn’t about you anymore, this is about me starting my healing journey to recovery. You’re not the centre of my universe as you would like to think you are, you’re merely just a life lesson and one I have learnt a great deal from. So thank you. Thank you for teaching me valuable lessons in my life, to not trust so easily with words if it’s not backed with actions and thank you for teaching me that ones trust needs to be earnt over time rather then be given freely all at once.

I will never get an apology from you, you don’t even know what remorse means let alone empathy. But that’s ok because I wouldn’t believe the words that would utter out of your mouth anyway.

I choose to forgive, I forgive the part of me that allowed you in and I forgive so that I can continue walking forth with conviction in my step and courage within my wake, with truth as my witness and honesty surging through my veins. This is teaching me a great deal about myself, the strength I hold and the integrity I now walk in.

I care not of what the people think of me right now, the flying monkeys, because I’ve always said that somewhere down the line the truth always surfaces.
The thing is that the sheeple people of today are so easily mislead. I was fooled, they too will be fooled. That ones easy enough to guess.
BUT…
I’m not dictated by the thoughts and the judgements of those that don’t matter to me because those that do matter to me know me for who I am and will always have my back, they know the truth.

Ultimately in the end one can’t hide or run from the truth.  That’s a universal law, another word for god, or however way your faith works.

karmic lessons in motion …

 

So now I say game over, it’s finished and I win!
Your love game didn’t work on me.6557907D-62ED-44C7-8118-2F8A3ED15EB0.jpeg

The magic of loving yourself first

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The Magic of Loving Yourself First
What happens when we actually start practicing self-love, instead of just talking about it?

In a world where we’ve been raised to put others first, self-love can often feel selfish. Setting aside time for self-love causes feelings of guilt, and we struggle to maintain a dedicated self-love practice. It’s frustrating. We know we need self-love, yet we have difficulty giving ourselves permission to experience it. Ironic, isn’t it?
We’re living in an era where the self-love revolution is gaining momentum, yet we have trouble doing the work; it goes against everything we were raised to believe. We were never taught self-love in school, and most of us didn’t learn about self-love in our homes.
So what did we learn?
We learned to put others first. We learned the importance of success. We learned to work hard and make money. But we didn’t learn how to keep ourselves feeling fueled for that journey.
Self-love is our fuel; it’s the foundation for who we are. Everything builds on top of this foundation, and if it isn’t solid, life feels shaky. For those of us who have experienced the power of self-love, we can agree that the effects can often feel quite magical. The moment we start loving ourselves, we experience shifts—positive shifts. Life begins to move forward with more ease and things begin to magically fall into place. Relationships improve. Health improves. And life begins to feel good—really good—ridiculously good.
Loving you first and creating that deep, internal relationship has countless magical benefits. When you begin your love affair with yourself, you will…
Recognize + Prioritize Your Needs
In order to create that loving relationship with yourself, you’ll have to recognize your needs. Without self-love, you are dismissive of your needs; you ignore them, while prioritizing the needs of others such as your partners, friends, family, and coworkers. Self-love is all about identifying your needs and making them a priority in your life. It’s about doing what truly feels right for you.
Gain a True Sense of Self
Say goodbye to codependency. Self-love pushes you to take care of your own needs. You’ll learn to give to yourself, and in doing so, you will develop into the person you strive to be. You’ll celebrate the beauty and freedom of being true to you, and you’ll gain a solidified sense of who you truly are. Self-love helps you ground into your true self.
Set Loving Boundaries
As your self-love expands, so will your ability to identify what is and isn’t good for you. Simply put, the more you love yourself, the less you’ll tolerate being treated like crap. You’ll gain the clarity you need to understand what you will and will not accept in your life.
Prevent Self-Sabotage
You know when everything is finally going great, and then all of a sudden you sabotage that great feeling by doing something destructive? Self-love makes that saboteur behavior go away. As we grow that love within you, it will become easier to accept good things in your life.
Drop the Victim Mentality
Self-love is all about taking ownership; owning up to your actions, and how you choose to show up in this world. The only reason you adopt a victim mentality is because you refuse to see the role you play in your experiences. When you begin to prioritize self-love, you start to view your experiences differently. It’s all about learning lessons, not denying them. Ownership is empowering.
Give Love Without Feeling Depleted
Flight attendants always tell you to put your masks on before helping others with theirs. Why? Because you can’t help others if you can’t breathe. Self-love works the same way. You cannot give love to others if you don’t have that love within. You may feel as though you have the ability to love, but what’s really happening is you’re giving love from an empty space, further draining your energy and emptying your tank. This leads to that sense of depletion, emptiness, and exhaustion after you feel yourself giving, giving, and giving to someone. However, when you remember to put your mask on first and stock up on self-love, you’ll be giving love from a full tank. This type of giving feels energizing and good.
Find Your Own Happy
Stop seeking happiness outside of you. You won’t find it. You may find temporary happy moments, but you won’t find long-lasting happiness. Self-love helps you get your groove back. It’s simple, really. The more love you show yourself, the better you feel. And the better you feel, the happier you become. You are in charge of your happiness, and self-love is the key to finding it.
Self-love is not selfish. Self-love is about connecting to your innermost needs, celebrating the freedom of being you, and honoring who you truly are while dropping your destructive patterns. Loving yourself is magical—it’s a divine relationship that will help you radically improve every single aspect of your life. So go on, drop the guilt, and embrace having a deep, loving relationship with you!

close up of tree against sky

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The narcissist

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D657D000-2B35-428B-9684-6AB54384329B.jpegHe will charm his way into your life
Proclaiming his love, babies,marriage but they are all lies

He will paint you a picture of all the women in his life to be crazed
Even to the point in convincing you that he’s still being chased

He won’t have just one lover at a time
You can guarantee he’s got more, like four or five

Sweetheart don’t think you are his special one
You’re just his next victim and to him it’s all just fun

You’ll hear of the story that the first one betrayed him and left him out to dry
The ones that came after her we’re crazy and without him they would die

But wait there’s more in this tale that’s flawed
Oh how the charmer likes yo charm but really he is a fraud

The ghosting,
The gaslighting
And the stringing along ultimately steals the show
Oh how he uses his words well, and oh how they flow

He’ll invite you into his home
Plays happy families and there you are shown

That his tangle of lies start to work around your fragile heart
He knows the game well, with this he is smart

Beware that you don’t catch him out in a lie
The mask he wears is cunning and ever so sly

If you unravel his web or try to escape
He’ll be back again playing the role of innocence

But believe me when I tell you it is all fake
Look out for number one for heavens sakes

He’ll take what he can get then discard you without care
But don’t blame yourself cause he was never one to play fair

He’s the narcissist who preys on his victims vulnerability
But justice will be served and he will need to take accountability.

Written by Elizabeth Pozoglou

A woman’s moral rights

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E26FADD0-8EF1-4EF7-95FE-DFEA08FC424BSometimes you think you know somebody until they show you the monster they really are. It’s unjust to think that it’s ok in a relationship that cheating and lying will be tolerated, it’s unjust to think that abuse is ok because you got caught out. It’s not ok , period!!!

Nobody should ever endure the physical force of another’s hands to cause bodily harm to your own body.
Wasn’t it enough that the lies and cheating caused me enough emotional pain but your hands told yet another story as I’m still healing from the aftermath of your abuse.

I’ve just become a victim of domestic violence, and that isn’t ok.

What is ok  although is to speak out about my ordeal because what I deem morally right is justice. Justice for what you have put me through as the narcissists that you are.

Somehow I will get through this, it may be an upward battle, I may have to face the trauma you have just put me through and the trust that you have stripped away from me is going to take a lifetime to heal. I maybe bruised and broken but above that I’m a saviour. #saynotodomesticviolence

Solving the riddle of the Elephant

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I have recently spoken about addressing the elephant in the room in my last blog and trying to solve what I feel has become an epidemic. On a daily basis, everywhere that I seem to be or look I am affected by more and more people dealing with depression, anxiety or some form of mental illness. Perhaps I’m just so in tune with peoples emotions that I am picking up on their energy and with this it has brought me to the frontline and confronting it head on. Im by no means a saviour, nor am I one to recuse another, but I do believe that part of my life’s journey is to mirror back what lies within another person and making them aware of what may lay dormant. Those unresolved thoughts, feelings and emotions that keep resurfacing but are yet to find a resolution or even coming to peace with their own demons.

There’s so many close to me right now that are battling with their own demons, demons that are all in their mind and the mind has a funny way of taking control of your life and your emotions. Ultimately if you don’t learn to control the mind the result ends up being that the emotions run the show.

The problem then lies that we loose the battle and allow it to become king, the battle then goes to another level and you find yourself in a dark place where you keep feeding those thoughts and then those emotions grow larger than life.

Im about to embark on this topic and dive a little deeper with it, because the question you need to be asking yourself is why this is occurring more and more so now, where exactly are its original roots and why are so many suffering as a result?

I truly believe that we are all here to help one another in some way, shape or form. That our existence has been so far removed from our true purpose and that in order to find a solution we really need to come back to perception of truth.

Perception is your reality, and another person has their own perception of their reality which is their truth. How we see things, how we experience them and how we perceive them creates our world. When we remain open minded this then allows us to see from another persons point of view or simply put their perception and this is where we can learn from one another.

Im using this as an example because it relates back to your childhood and how our reality was created based on our experiences, our environment, our upbringing. With this comes our freewill which in other words is our choices in life. Choice comes down to thought process and how we have conditioned our minds to think, feel and act/react. Our past experiences whether they be bad or good sets us up for how we make future choices.

In order to know bad from good, you first need to experience what bad and good are to you. Your perception plays its role now and the reality is set. Lets just say that you have experienced something bad in your life and that conjured up an emotion within you, you then hold that experience as a red flag, that red flag then becomes your reality, so later on in life if an experience that resembles that red flag resurfaces again then your perception believes its reliving it all over again. Choice then comes into play, do you act or react? Then lesson says to you, ‘How are you going to play this one out”?

On the flip side, you’ve experienced something good in your life and the beauty with this is that with bad comes good because one cannot live without the other.  You can’t create your reality without experiencing both ends of the spectrum, and with these opposing occurrences in life one learns to know everything from that being emotions, feelings and experiences is in fact relevant to each other.

This vicious circle will keep recurring because the lesson is still yet to be learnt. When we break that cycle and change our perception thats when our mind shifts. Welcome to life!

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The elephant in the room with the riddle now has a choice of whether it wants to be solved!

part 3 will continue in my next blog.

Written by

Elizabeth Pozoglou